well life lately is superb.
i should be studying, but i wanted to write an entry instead because my thoughts are buzzing like a million different voices in my head.
but i'm all about honesty and i wanted to say some honest things tonight. i don't know who's listening, or if i'm being all "behind on the times," but i wanted to post these thoughts for the reference of myself and people that will hold me to what i'm saying, i guess.

camp mcgresham is wonderful. they are definitely the camp i prayed for, and the past 6 days have been unreal. i'm so in awe of how well i feel like we already fit together, and it's definitely great to start things off on a positive note. i feel blessed to have even gotten into camp again, let alone a camp that i adore so much.

things i've discovered i need to do this semester:
study every night
not use curse words (i've been slacking on this. it is far too easy for me to fall into this again. if anybody's reading this, please hold me accountable if you catch me on this)
live in the moment - i'm too much of a planner.
not care what everyone thinks so dang much.
SERVE others in any way i can

i'm sure i'll remember more tomorrow morning. i was thinking of this list whilst studying this evening and now that i've gotten home to put it on digital paper i can't remember everything.

anyway. i've been in a period of rediscovery lately. i'm becoming fine with just being me, and i can't decide if that's a good thing or not, because i don't try to be the best i can be lately. i don't think i like that. i hope that God is working through me, but lately i've just felt like i'm setting a bad example. as a christian, i'm supposed to set an example, not be the one messing up all the time... but then i think that it's by grace alone that i have been saved... but i hope that that grace is apparent in my actions, and i have a feeling it's not as much as i want it to be.
sigh, i know this is rambling.

anyway, praying for the right boldness and that i can learn to hold my tongue sometimes. i can be so wise and irrational with my words and actions, so i need to learn to be less impulsive and more purposeful.

and not worry. i need to stop worrying. God's plan is greater than my own.

for spring break, i was going to help a little on my hometown church's mission trip to arlington, but i backed out (unfortunately, but i felt like the following was something i needed to do). i'm going to visit my grandmother in san antonio with my little brother. i hope we're able to bond on this little road trip of ours, and i hope to be able to hear some words of wisdom from my grandmother. if i had half of her faith, i think i'd be in good shape, haha. she is such a woman of the Lord and i hope to be able to spend some great quality time with her, as these moments don't come up too often and i'm sure she's gotten a bit lonely without my paw paw around anymore.

all in all, i'm incredibly blessed. i have friends that i love dearly and family that is a source of constant support (well, not always support, but definitely honest opinions that i value). i may not have a fancy car or funds to get me through the week all the time, but God's provided me with what i need.

music as of late includes: death cab, jimmy eat world, kings of convenience, the killers, eisley, etc. like i said, i'm rediscovering stuff. i need to get my old music library from back home put on my laptop. i feel like i've lost touch with such an important part of my life.

clinging to 1 john right now
"if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

lots of thoughts, but alas, i have a test at 8 am.
shalom and good night.