roomies are awesome. i can't wait for kacey to get in town. i like being back for the most part.

however, i think that i grew apart from a lot of people this summer. as i come back i feel like i am a burden on a lot of people i want to hang out with, like i've missed out on their lives and they don't want me in them anymore. i am feeling right now that afc gave me a false sense of security... like maybe nobody in afc liked me really, but because of uae and all of that they included me. i don't think i have felt this torn in a long time. i don't want to be an annoyance to people, but i do want to pick up the friendships i thought i had right where we left off. i miss last year so much, and at the same time i feel like so much of it may have been a lie. i'm really frustrated by all of this, and i just want it to get better. i feel like such a narcissist or something, worrying about what everyone thinks of me and all, but i just don't want to burden other people with something they don't want. i feel like if i had really fit into afc, i would have made staff, and i didn't and that still kind of hurts a little bit when i'm really being honest with myself. all of the other girls i know in maggies that were in afc got to have that experience, and it makes me feel like i don't fit in with them already. people get frustrated with the alcohol policies, understandably, but i wish they would realize how much i would rather be in their shoes than mine; i would much rather have the priviledge of being a part of such an organization and live with those rules in place in my life than be sitting here, still wishing i could have gotten in 3 months later. i hope that someday i can impact people the way i wanted to impact the afc freshmen, but i feel like that may never be an oppurtunity i am blessed with.

i'm whining. i need to go hang out with people so i stop sulking and thinking of nothing but myself.

i know i said i'd write more about camp, but at present, i don't feel like i can. i'm distraught and i'm sorry.