so ever since events happened a couple of months ago, i have been feeling less than adequate. i have faith that things are going to work out someday, and that they may or may not be the way i expect. i saw star trek today, and there's a point when captain kirk tells spock to just do what he says even though spock thinks the chances of a good outcome are small. kirk uses the words "just trust me, okay?" or something to that effect. it may sound strange but that's totally where i'm at with God in my life right now. i don't understand what the heck i'm doing or why i'm doing it, or why i'm feeling the things i'm feeling or how i'm ever going to be okay again, but i just have to trust. it's really hard to let go, as i am kind of a control freak, but just like the future of the star trek characters, what is to come is something far greater and mind blowing than i can imagine. we shall see what is to come, and i really hope it does get better.

also, i was so in awe of the universe after that movie. like, WOW i can't even begin to fathom how expansive it is, and how much else is out there. God is so great and magnificent and it's just completely insane to think of how much there is! does anyone else ever think about that? i don't really know, but i think it's so cool and it makes me want to actually try understanding physics so i can go in space.

work is going alright i suppose. i'm really trying to be positive and fun, but still do what is asked of me. it's hard to get that balance and i feel almost like i'm not doing that... but i guess i can't make everyone happy, either.

and i'm reading harry potter and the chamber of secrets! it's good.

plus searching for God knows what is pretty good. where i'm at in the book right now kinda goes along with all this awe and stuff of God.

i can't wait for road trip 1 tomorrow. getting out of the woodlands and actually having stuff to do helps me not to think about worthless stuff, so it'll be a relaxing trip i think.