i HATE it here. the woodlands disgusts me.

all i get to do is go to work and listen to my mom complain about how i'm not going to be able to pay for school next year.
i just got home from actually having a weekend with people who don't try to make me into a different person than i am and maybe we're not all the best of friends, but i forget so often what it's like to have people not judging me and keeping me under constant scrutiny.
my mother, my job (the one that i work 35+ hours a week at, anyway), some of my friends - all of these things are the same. i am never able to escape and just be who i am; there's always something i could be doing better or something i need to change. i don't understand what's wrong with the person that i am here and why people feel like it is so necessary to put pressure on me. i guess that they must be frustrated with their own inadequacies so they feel the need to make others' inadequacies public so that theirs never are address and they appear perfect.
i feel like it wouldn't be so bad if i actually had good friends at work that i could hang out with. it is so hard having the only people you're close to in this place have conflicting schedules. i feel like i'm either always at home or at work, and both of those are pretty much the same thing because being home is just like having another job. i never get a break, and it is so hard to be patient and practice all the things God has taught me this year under these circumstances. i feel like i cuss and am angry or stressed out all the time, and i don't have a close group of christian friends here to consult about it. i don't really like my church here for the reason that all the kids my age left me out of their little group, and even though they probably didn't realize it, they made me feel unwanted and as if i wasn't good enough to be a part of the kingdom of God. the only bible study i really know about here is the one at my church, but i feel that it is all of the same people who wouldn't hang out with me even in high school... so why would they want to now?

i just can't wait to get out of here. i hope i never have to spend my summer here again.

sorry for the sappy post.