okay.
we're going over the basics of my rules for ze blog (mostly to establish them for myself, since i don't really think many people have time to keep up with the inner wonderings that take up my time).
BUT there will be little grammatical capitalization (God will be capitalized, but not i). and this blog is subject to sound semi-hypocritical at times, because i can have such conflicting emotions. i know that i control what i do and say, but sometimes it's hard to put that into non-conflicting words that make sense and are decisive and correct.

side note - i love itunes shuffle. falling down by muse = pure greatness.

so right now i'm waiting on dan dan the stan man to figure out what we're doing tonight.
i need to read my bible, i haven't in two days. i made myself promise to finish the new testament by the end of the summer... that should not be hard. i'd like to start getting into the old testament, because i've never really read my bible before this semester and i'm just realizing that there is just SO MUCH to read and learn and contemplate and pray over. but at the same time i have a hard time making myself read during the day, and when i read before i go to bed i tend to put myself to sleep, honestly. i don't know if that's bad or good; God obviously

BAH why does the luckiest have to come on? suddenly i dislike itunes, as this song makes me cry nearly every time because i hate reliving those memories of being the luckiest because now i feel like they were false. i am emotional. i dislike it.

anyway, God obviously calms me... but i don't feel like i soak it up as much when i do that at the same time. bascially, i feel like i'm unmotivated or lack passion for Christ or something because i read at the end of the day... like God is an afterthought or something, but then i realize that i'm thinking about Him right now, so i don't really know.

we shall see what happens. summer is busy and i don't want life to get in the way of living.

another thing i wanted to elaborate on:
what really frustrates me sometimes about humanity is "i". why do we feel a need to capitalize the word "i"? we are so self seeking that it is even embedded into our language. that's why i refuse to capitalize it when i'm writing freely (that is, not for academic purposes). i have a hard enough time not focusing on myself - and now i have come to such a realization that me me me is embedded in the medium i use to communicate and speak and write and think. language is such a powerful tool.

that's all for now.